You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
