Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
