Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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