you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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