He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
