Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
