so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
