peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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