I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
