the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
