I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
