so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is Oprah even human
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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