Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
