Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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