..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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