One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
