The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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