Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
