i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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