her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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