I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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