I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
