Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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