Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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