I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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