It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
