She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
