And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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