I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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