Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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