She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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