Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
