I'm really into asian looking animals
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
