): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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