I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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