I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
