Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
