I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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