i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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