There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Still dying that you shit outside
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
