the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
