im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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