Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
