I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
