I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
