Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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