so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize