I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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