Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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