hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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