1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
