So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
