Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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