He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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