Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
