don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
