I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
