pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
