I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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