Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
