I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
