I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
