Porn is love you can see.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
