What a fucking waste of an outfit
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
