I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
