I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
