We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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