Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
