I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
