Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
