Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
