just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
