So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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