my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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