i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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