WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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