Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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