how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize