She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
