I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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