Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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